Fate

I am moving my left hand.

Am I moving my hand by the commands of my own free will?
Or I am moving my hand because there is a pre-determined force that dictates that at this exact moment, I shall move my left hand?

"What do you think of fate?"
A friend asked me after a long discussion of relationship woes. I needed some time to sort this big word out. And I think I can answer my friend now. What is fate.

Fate is the imagery of boy meets girl on random day on a random place at a random time and fall head over heels for each other and they live happily ever after. Yes. This is the concept, the perception, THE idea that pop culture has imprinted in our minds. With the emergence of endless fairytale- like romance story from Taiwan, Korea and Japan, youngsters further believe in fate. Just like my friend.

I was researching for a project in the library yesterday. I went through the psychology section and came across a few books that intrigued me. I have drawn an early conclusion on FATE based on theories by book authors and also, by my own naive experience.

This is an excerpt of a book that I read and its content truly intrigued me.

"There is no other way to say this. Fate irks me.

Romance is important. Essential, even. Explosions are not. And because romance is so important, it is a crime when it is evoked lazily... which is why the notion of fate is so upsetting. Fate, if you think about it, is the opposite of romance.

Which sounds more romantic to you? The lovers who are together because it is "meant to be", or because lovers strive and claw and build and question and come to realization that because of that struggle, because they devoted the time and the effort to learn from and about each other, they've built a love strong enough for a lifetime?

It's awfully ironic that the idea of lovers fated to be together is considered romantic. What's so romantic about a complete lack of effort or free will? If truly fate, and the lovers couldn't possibly do anything to stay away from each other, doesn't that mean that they're not really responsible for being together in the first place?

Pop culture created lofty and wrongheaded expectations about love. Like the idea that fate brings people together, or the notion that there's a knight-in-shining-armour coming for you, and all you have to do is to wait for him."

From this excerpt, I would like to add my own point of view, saying that fate is not pre-determined. We meet lots of people every day, every where. We chose to or not to interact with these people around us. We consciously make choices. It is not fate that brought people together. It is the initiation one takes that starts a friendship or a relationship. It is ones conscious choice that people keep in touch or lose touch.

There is no such things as "Follow fate" because fate is literally in or own hands. We make our own fate. It is not fated that a friendship or a relationship fails. It is because the believe in the wrong notion of fate that results in the lack of effort from either or both parties. It is not fated that a friendship or a relationship works. It is because, like the author said, people put in time and effort and understanding that makes it work.

Dear friend, fate is not a big word after all. Because it is really in your hands.