Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Fate

I am moving my left hand.

Am I moving my hand by the commands of my own free will?
Or I am moving my hand because there is a pre-determined force that dictates that at this exact moment, I shall move my left hand?

"What do you think of fate?"
A friend asked me after a long discussion of relationship woes. I needed some time to sort this big word out. And I think I can answer my friend now. What is fate.

Fate is the imagery of boy meets girl on random day on a random place at a random time and fall head over heels for each other and they live happily ever after. Yes. This is the concept, the perception, THE idea that pop culture has imprinted in our minds. With the emergence of endless fairytale- like romance story from Taiwan, Korea and Japan, youngsters further believe in fate. Just like my friend.

I was researching for a project in the library yesterday. I went through the psychology section and came across a few books that intrigued me. I have drawn an early conclusion on FATE based on theories by book authors and also, by my own naive experience.

This is an excerpt of a book that I read and its content truly intrigued me.

"There is no other way to say this. Fate irks me.

Romance is important. Essential, even. Explosions are not. And because romance is so important, it is a crime when it is evoked lazily... which is why the notion of fate is so upsetting. Fate, if you think about it, is the opposite of romance.

Which sounds more romantic to you? The lovers who are together because it is "meant to be", or because lovers strive and claw and build and question and come to realization that because of that struggle, because they devoted the time and the effort to learn from and about each other, they've built a love strong enough for a lifetime?

It's awfully ironic that the idea of lovers fated to be together is considered romantic. What's so romantic about a complete lack of effort or free will? If truly fate, and the lovers couldn't possibly do anything to stay away from each other, doesn't that mean that they're not really responsible for being together in the first place?

Pop culture created lofty and wrongheaded expectations about love. Like the idea that fate brings people together, or the notion that there's a knight-in-shining-armour coming for you, and all you have to do is to wait for him."

From this excerpt, I would like to add my own point of view, saying that fate is not pre-determined. We meet lots of people every day, every where. We chose to or not to interact with these people around us. We consciously make choices. It is not fate that brought people together. It is the initiation one takes that starts a friendship or a relationship. It is ones conscious choice that people keep in touch or lose touch.

There is no such things as "Follow fate" because fate is literally in or own hands. We make our own fate. It is not fated that a friendship or a relationship fails. It is because the believe in the wrong notion of fate that results in the lack of effort from either or both parties. It is not fated that a friendship or a relationship works. It is because, like the author said, people put in time and effort and understanding that makes it work.

Dear friend, fate is not a big word after all. Because it is really in your hands.

5 comments:

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

ive read your post because it also intrigues me ..haha..i see your point and the author's pint about fate..

yeah..maybe romance and fate are directly opposite and fate is only an imagery.hhmm..

but fate is a nice sounding terms many girls and guys believe exist..we couldn't blame them.i also,, in some ways or probably desperation believed in fate also..it wont hurt you to believe in something like that..it as if you believe in something you've never sen before or never experienced before..;3

(if you reply on my statement pls. comment this on my blog so i can be updated :D)

ciao~!

Ryanne said...

Thanks for the comment in my House.

Regarding fate. Yea, I have to say I am also personally guilty of believing in fate.

But my main point is that I do not completely disregard fate. There may be some unseen forces that brings people together. But it doesn't mean that we have to believe so much in the fairytale that we forgot to live our lives. Because as far as I am concerned, fairytale doesn't exist. And one should really put effort in a relationship.

A good example will be in arranged marriage. I am neither agree or against arranged marriage. But for centuries, our ancestors managed to maintain their lives with each other and lived a riped old age with happy family because they put effort in a relationship, despite they do not have the head over heels falling helplessly in love with each other feeling.

Compare it with present day issues, where not only teens but a noticeable number of adults, duly believe in FATE and blame everything on fate when something goes wrong. This generation still holds the highest record of break up and divorces in human history.

It is not wrong to believe in fate. But fate can only do so much. The rest is really hard work.

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

@Ryanne : yeah..i agree with you..i understand your main point..^_^

i am also guilty with believing on it..but yes..we should not fully believe on it..perhaps just a 'lil' hehe..we still need to move its like believing God but not ready to move our feet..

believing in fate is worthless if you don't put hard work on it..x3

Andrew said...

I believe arranged marriages can succeed properly throughout the years is because the family does not only comprises of the husband and wife but also the in~laws. I am not saying there is no problems in arranged marriages but the reason it is stable is probably because of additional supports by others to make it work.

Regarding leaving things in relationship to fate and destiny, it is quite irresponsible to use it as an excuse to dump somebody.

Also, the opening part where you question the act of moving your hand and free will....a fun and intriguing start. Try to expand on it?

Nice post~

蘋果的 said...

我們老得太快,卻聰明得太遲。 ....................................................

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