Monday, November 22, 2010

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 - A Review

I shall do this one short.

Why Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Suck.

1. The plot is so known there is practically no surprises. Yes, I read the book. More than once. And I find that the movie does the book no justice. David Yates is one old man that is seriously lack of imagination.

2. The trio sucks. Yes I know, they are forever best friend. But dude, we all know that Harry and Hermione will end up no where, so save some screen time for something more useful please. And there are so many back story to run but the movie has to focus on boring things like the 3 of them finding one Horcrux.

3. The acting sucks. Seriously, after so many years of playing these characters, you'd expect something more. But Daniel Radcliffe is still stone-faced. Rupert Grint is still very awkward. And the only thing I pay attention to Emma Watson is her clothes. Seriously, you are on a run but you wear stuff so fashionable that you can walk the runway.

4. The supporting casts are so much stronger than the main casts. The only performances I look forward to and enjoyed them thoroughly was Ralph Finnes' well-potrayed Lord Voldemort and Helena Bonham Carter's eccentric Bellatrix Lestrange. And Bathilda Bagshot/Nagini is very well done too. I mean, she is freaky!

5. The only thing that interest me is the animation for the tales of the Deathly Hallows. Yes. Only thing. This is a franchise and the ONLY thing that interest me is 3 minutes of faceless shadows telling a short story.

6. This movie is not friendly to audiences who didn't read the book. Whatever you want to say, but the pacing is all wrong. David Yates stayed true to the book. Yes. To the boring parts. The interesting parts are all forgotten and left out. I read the book thus I can still find my way through the parts of the movie and understood why they do certain things. But I find myself answering questions and explaining things to people who didn't watch the movie. Which eventually suck the fun out of it for me.

7. Daniel Radcliffe is so bad at acting he has to depends on taking off his shirt to appeal to the audiences.

Now, let's get to the pointless ratings.

Ratings : 3.0/10. I have seen worst book adaptation but this movie is seriously mundane. Like dead mundane.

3 Idiots - A Review

This is the first time I watched a Hindu movie from start to finish.

This is the most meaningful movie I've watched all year.

This is the story of 3 engineering students studying in Imperial College, one of the top engineering college in India. Farhan wanted to be a wildlife photographer but he studied engineering to fulfill his father's wishes. Raju wanted to be an engineer purely because he wanted to uplift his family fortunes. Rancho, on the other hand, is truly interested in engineering.

This movie is 3 hours long so I do not want to bore anyone with the full synopsis. But I seriously think that every student and teacher should watch this movie.

This movie highlighted the Asian education mentality in perfect tone. How Asians generally think that getting good results will secure a good job thus gurantee a good life. This movie perfectly highlight the "kiasu-ness", dog-eat-dog world and the endless rat race in the education system where universities are mass producing students who study for exams and grades instead of the pure joy of knowledge.

Yes. Studying. Instead of learning.

Besides, 3 Idiots also included deeper issues like family, love and passion. There was one line in the movie that leaves a mark in me. When Raju's father was hospitalised and they all have exams on the next day, Rancho said to him,"There are countless exams coming but we only have one father in our lives." (I read the translated subtitles so I don't know how accurate it depicts the Hindi)

I was gobsmacked by this sentence. How many times we get angry at our loved ones because we are stressed by exams? How many parents forced their children into studying something the parents want but not the child? How many peers has forced a desperate student into suicide? How many times the education system drives one up the wall that in the end, someone gets hurt?

When Raju survived his suicide due to stress and attended his job interview, I was touched. He actually rejected a job offer because the company wants him to renounce his newfound attitude to work for them. Raju said, "I broke 16 ribs and almost killed myself to gain this attitude of honesty. I am not giving it up for money. Please take back your job offer."

Of course, all of these are presented in a much gentler way that prompt audiences to think long and hard. And the comical moments in it is priceless! I cannot forget how Rancho mock the teachers with unorthodox and creative answers over mundane topics. I also love the potrayal of Silencer that nicely contrast students who study for interest and students who are machines.

This is a movie not to be missed.

Ratings : 9.0/10

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - A Review

Dumbass story. Period.

Scott Pilgrim falls head over heels over Ramona Flowers and "forgot" to break up with his current girlfriend, Knives Chau. He is then challenged to defeat Ramona's seven evil exes in order to be with Ramona.

Stupid. Story.

But Edgar Wright made wonder out of it!

Seriously, the acting is lack lustre.

I do admit that Mary Elizabeth Winstead who plays Ramona Flowers is hot. And the character is mysteriously hot. But the rest of the actors are just like... plain, dead, boring.

Michael Cera suck big time. His face is permanently fixed to the expressionless semi-orgasmic face that has just undergone botox or something.

But what makes magic is that the movie has great special effects that makes up for the short of acting talent. Dude, if you play video games you would love this movie. If you like garage music bands, you would love this movie. If you love comics, you would love this movie. The whole time I was watching this movie, I was brought back to my kiddy days of playing Pokemon and Street Fighters. I was also reminded of popular games like VOD and Kingdom Hearts.

There are cutesy little things like item list, special "sound effects" in words, cool power burst everytime someone fights something, great colourful background when duel, and shit, even energy bar refill and lifeline status! And my favourite, enemies turning into coins when Scott Pilgrim defeats them! And the music!! It is exactly like I am playing Pokemon!

Another thing that is interesting to watch is Knives Chau played bri
liantly by Ellen Wong. I tell you, that is one creepy stalking ex!! And Chris Evans and Brandon Routh is so evil I think that they are hot!!

Ratings : 7.5/10. Dude, this is so cool even the plot is sort of pointless.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Machete - A Review

This is one movie with so much tits and blood you forgot about the movie in the first 30 seconds.

Danny Trejo plays an ex-Federale named Machete that revenges against Robert de Niro and Steven Seagal over I don't know what. Then a lot of hot females the like of Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan taking off their shirts and shaking their tits at the audiences. Then director Robert Rodriguez decides that it is time for someone to die and splashed a whole lot of red corn syrup all over the screen with rubbery looking intestines flying all over the place. Before you know it, everyone kisses the fugly guy named Machete and everything ends in a bloodbath.

Seriously, the story DOES NOT make sense. So does Kill Bill. Or Grindhouse. Is Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino trying to outdo each other in making senseless B-grade movie that still look awesome at some point?

This movie has practically no plot. And it surprises the audience with the most unexpected thing. Like you didn't expect to see Jessica Alba's tits in the scene right after a blood fight. Or Lindsay Lohan's tits right after a break-in. I mean, you break in to steal something right? Who in the right mind would expect macho Machete to break in, make out with Lindsay Lohan, then steal things? Get what I mean?

This being a Robert Rodriguez production, everything IS expected to look B-grade. And he didn't bother to cover that fact. It is like slamming it against our face! Look at all the blood and gore and brains and intestines flying around! And all the crazy ways to kill people. Robert Rodriguez should direct Final Destination 7 'cause he is so darn creative in brutally murdering extras off the set!

I only really really like Michelle Rodriguez in the last few scenes of the movie.

She is the only girl who didn't show off her tits and she is the only girl holding big ass guns shooting people up!

She so deserves more screen time than Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan is practically, useless?

Yes, a visual feast of sex and violence for MOST brainless male humour. Not really of substance and I don't really see the signature tribute to any pop-culture. None the less, I still enjoy the style of Robert Rodriguez.

Ratings : 6.0/10

RED - A Review




An adaptation from comics, this is another movie that consists of all the icons of the yesteryear. However, unlike The Expendables, this is surprisingly, not a flop.

Bruce Willis plays an retired CIA black ops spy that is hunted by young hot gun Karl Urban because the current Vice President ordered a hit list. Bruce Willis then kidnaps his phone crush Mary-Louise Parker, recruits other retired agents the likes of Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren to shoot everything up to clear his name.

This movie has practically zero plot twists, no surprises, no character development, no nothing. It works solely on the magic created by the bench of amazing actors, which are astounding people who can carry the load of the whole movie individually. So when you put all these icons together, imagine the explosive chemistry in it!

I personally like Bruce Willis better in Die Hard. He is still very hard to die in this movie, and they totally over-rate him as a RED in this movie, 'cause he looks pretty much like a hopeless romantic pussy in this movie. The only thing I remember him doing in the entire movie was "walking" out of a car with the bumper missing him by inches and firing shots.

I gotta admit that the older folks blew the whole movie out of the water. Helen Mirren may be forever Queen Elizabeth to others but she is forever one of my favourite female action stars now. Yes. Helen Mirren. ACTION star. She is so fugging hot in this movie, and she yielded whatever guns like she has done this line of work all her life. Very very very convincing, and freaking amazing!

Whaddaya expect from a woman her calibre?

I also love the mix of Morgan Freeman's old wise man aura and John Malkovich's eccentricity. Malkovich totally provided the humour here which is downright ridiculous but we all forgive him because he is THAT good. However, it is almost regrettable that Morgan Freeman didn't get much screen time.

This is one entertaining movie where the actors' chemistry is so good that the story no longer matters. Also, I enjoyed watching the action sequences and the cliche yet funny lines! And dang, I fugging love Helen Mirren!

Ratings : 6.5/10


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